Who I am and who I am not. Who someone else are and whom someone else are not.
We are all only who we are. We have received names which we are called by. Mostly my id book states my name and it doesn't state Joan of Arc or Pygmalion or Unicorn.
Should I be such an idiot to ask then: who am I,
the following should not really be a surprise.
Yes, firstly, some background. Some event that changed my life was a case I received while still being a detective at the Child Protection Unit of the SAPS. The details is shortly the following on
this case I received. It is a custody case I had to investigate on short notice. I did not want the case and was upset being forced to take it.
A child who was staying at the grandfather or someone who thought himself to be the grandfather of the child, but the biological father wanted to take up his own obligations once he learnt that he had a biological child.
On the same day I was forced to take up this case to investigate and to attend to - nearly, if I look at my own situation at that point in time with my grandfather and grandmother in the parenting roles - taking up my own case in many respects. That could have been one reason why I was reluctant to take up the case as investigating officer.
On the same day I was forced to take up the case as investigating officer, the whole drama of taking the child from the so called grandparents to the biological father - there was a court interdict ordering this to happen - I got shot. That same afternoon, late afternoon on a wintersday: 19 June 2002.
I got badly hurt from the wounds. Some more strange events was about to unfold after this incident in my life.
As result of having no clue in the beginning after this major event in my life on the 19th of June 2002, I felt frustrated and I wasn't really very healthy at that stage as well. Although I received an operation which was suppose to have fixed problems, there were still something that was not fixed.
So, with all of this not feeling well, I was trying to make out the source of my problems. Some lady in Magaliesburg were visited and a closeby friend/family member were able to see me on short notice.
This woman looked much like someone I met later on and some other people in my life I knew.
She tried the best she could to help me when the best question I could think of to ask was: who am I?
If I have known at that point for Marah, to have been caged up in a prison/dungeon, in those times, I would most probably have handled the information I received from this woman differently.
What she gave me was someone who was a Jesus figure and locked up in a dungeon - a Joan of Arc. That wasn't me. I wasn't locked up - I just had the most unexplainable [at that point] experience that I had to make sense of. Yet, it wasn't being locked up in a dungeon.
This woman who had some sense of my relation to this person in the dungeons, she looked a lot like the woman who was trying to save Marah at that point in time - yet, this same woman also looked like other woman who were in my life and their similarities was embedded in looks in my head. Mostly, I would say or could say, it was the hair style. Maybe just some perception on my side.
This doesn't really mean for Marah to have been Joan of Arc, yet, being a Jesus figure [and I hate this kind of terminology] and being in the dungeons, what else could have been made out at that point.
Having a better understanding now of the events that took place, I consider the white lions as the messengers of God, as was pointed out by Maria and Credo Mutwa. There is also another story to add to this, as Linda Tucker was only pointed out by Maria in the time Maria had to share with Linda, as being the Keeper of the White Lions.
During those days after the 19th of June 2002, some two to three days after this event, the primal waters was found and was about to receive birth as I woke from this state of being in the primal waters, being something, me, again, with first some light, some sunlight and then I heard a lady singing to me in a language I don't speak or understand. This singing convinced me to not stay in the primal waters where I desperately wanted to go back to, but to make the transition to life. I never really saw this woman - and was only later on when I met Linda Tucker the first time, and we carried a quarts stone together for the sake of Marah, that I once again heard the strange words.
I sat not far from Linda when she uttered these words and a little spider were walking across my pants as I was sitting wondering what Linda was busy with. Not realizing what the little spider was trying to show me, was on my pants, where I got hurt during the shooting and the birth happened from the primal water.
Still, what I want to get at is this - people who are able to tune in to what is going on, they do the best they can, still, maybe it will be only much, much later on, to see the wisdom in the answer I received. As in the lady who told me on my questions of who I am, Joan of Arc, this holds so many answers as to reality, a reality that even some of the best people who can tune into the reality we all live in are capable of. I received from that event confirmation of my relation to the white lions. Also, all people have freedom. What they choose to reveal even from their highest level for reasons them and myself may not even at that point have understood. Still, it stayed a choice that was made to have the disclosure of that information. Should I have plainly been told who I am and what I am dealing with, would the links to who incarnated with me into this planes have been as clear as with being brought into relation with someone, a White Lion, who was in a dungeon, prison in those times and Linda Tucker having a fierce task of trying to set her free.
This relation was important. The relation between my birth during June 2002 and the incarnated white animals on the planet.
Still, I am not Joan of Arc, neither were Marah Joan of Arc. The answer I received was only to reach its full potential one day, many days and months later when I realized what happened in June 2002 and the understanding that the white animals are suppose to be on this planet with this event that took place in my life as well.
Two worlds I got some message of, yet, in many respects, maybe, two worlds. As I am not only dealing with the known reality as to have conversations with other people, there is another world to this one, the world where the higher selves of the other interact with me in the same manner I will interact with people should I go and buy a bread. I may greet them and they greet me back and we may have a conversation if we feel up to it. The "second" world where I have conversation with the higher selve of the other living is mostly on my side the thoughts in my head. I do not speak out loud, though, the other respond to me out loud in conversation relation with my thoughts.
Not all are so tuned in to their higher self to have a knowing of this conversation, yet, they are exercising their freedom when they decide to response or not. Responses are of their own choice. They may be in conversation to someone else, still they are able to choose to ignore to respond to me or to respond. Sometimes I wait for people to respond, without success. They keep on talking to one another without in those conversations responding to me at all. Even if I ask them, even if I most desperately want them too - which proof one thing - they are able to make a choice as to respond and therefore have got freedom of their own higher selves to make these kind of choices.
The surprise then for me who ask the question: who am I: events in my life can more accurately answer such a question.
Still, even though this may be the case, Joan of Arc died a long time ago and I am not someone who escaped from somewhere to be her again. Neither was Marah.
I was trying to find answers myself - got distracted a lot with events that was more interference in a direction that set me off course to find the truth for some time as everybody has got freedom and exercise that freedom.
There were influences in my life, but all of them not steering the ship in a truthful direction - actually setting me off direction. Direction had to be found again somehow. Like a ship on the sea. Events that happened fitted to set me off course, yet others fitted the map to find the direction again.
When lost at sea, something has to be made out first before the map will be of use for direction again.
I have found direction again though. Thanks to Linda Tucker's book, so many of the events that happened together with my visit to the Voortrekkermonument the day before yesterday, brought direction again.
Where Linda's book and the Voortrekkermonument brought me to recognize my position on the map on this wide ocean again.
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